That’s right, I admit it. And I can no longer attribute this ritual to having conversations with my dog (yet I do that too, if you must know ). If I am not writing out my thoughts or using my sketch pad to turn my inner dialogues into visuals, I am chattering away aloud about whatever happens to come to mind. In my defense, however, usually my self-talk is purposeful.
For instance:
a) When assembling something that didn’t come with instructions I “talk” myself through it (“Okay that piece B fits into the opening on the left.”)
b) When I get a gut feeling about someone, I present myself with evidence to confirm (or not) what I am intuiting (“That person flaked me twice already when we made plans, were the excuses legit or are they just disrespecting my time?”)
c) I talk to myself to get motivated, especially for something I might not want to do or something I want to do that isn’t going to serve me well (e.g. “Sitting for long stretches isn’t good, let’s get up and march in place for 60 seconds”)
d) I serve as my own verbal guide when I’m learning a new task, like an instrument or a language (“Looks like you need more practice with scales, let’s do that a few more times so your fingers can move more quickly across the keyboard.”)
e) I might compliment myself when I’ve accomplished a goal that I have set for myself (“Hallelujah, you finally got that darned closet cleaned out!”)
f) Sometimes I laugh at myself, like when I drop a fork (“Guess you’re going to get company!”) Or I re-tell myself a joke I heard and laugh so hard that an onlooker might begin to wonder if they should be concerned
g) My inner dialogue can sometimes take the voice of my conscience (“You know you could have been more patient with that person”)
Self-talk or inner dialogue used to be associated with negative connotations, such as hmmm that person must be crazy; she is talking to herself. But to the contrary, research shows that self-talk can often prove to be beneficial.
The term “soliloquy” is usually associated with a monologue in a play. Generally, it is defined as “the act of speaking one’s thoughts aloud when by oneself or regardless of any hearers”. The Soliloquies, written by St. Augustine of Hippo in the 4th century is a compilation of the author’s inner dialogues, which he wrote out on paper. These self-talk writings took the form of questions, answers, and conversations between the author and himself in his intellectual and spiritual quest to know his own soul.
So whatever you’d like to call it–self-talk, inner dialogue, private speech, self-verbalizations, automatic thoughts, etc.—talking to oneself is hardly a new thing, and its potential benefits are well-documented.
Something to keep in mind, however: When self-talk turns too negative it can become dysfunctional and make you feel emotionally weakened, instead of empowered. The research shows that what we say to ourselves does affect our emotions and our behaviors.
When you internalize negative criticisms from others, or begin habitually insulting yourself—it is important to seek ways to eliminate that harsh inner critic (if necessary, with the help of a professional) and replace it with supportive self-kindness.
I remember back in the early 90’s a doll called Teen Talk Barbie was programed to say, “Math Class is Tough!”. That met with such public outrage that Mattel had to pull that phrase from the doll’s repertoire. Perhaps a better phrase would have been “I can definitely figure this out and ace my next math test”!
I will end here, as I am going to take my dog for a walk now. If I happen to pass by you and you hear me talking, just know that I am talking to my dog….or not
©Raeleen D’Agostino Mautner, Ph.D.
Reference:
Latinjak, Alexander T. et.al.(2023). Self-Talk: An Interdisciplinary Review and Transdisciplinary Model. Review of General Psychology, vol 27(4) 355-386.
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