I am thinking about a passage I once read in a book by Italian psychiatrist Raffaele Morelli, called: “La Felicita’ e’ Qui” (happiness is here). He described the qualities of a real “maestro”, or teacher. A master of agriculture, for example, is not necessarily one who has studied for a degree in the field, but rather someone who has been a lifelong farmer—one who knows the soil, the climate, the seed, the fertilizer, and the conditions that help and hinder the crops. Moreover, a real master has no expectations, after doing all of the groundwork. For example he/she can hope that the crops will grow and flourish, but unforeseen conditions could arise that foil even the best of preparations. Thus, a real master is prepared to accept the reality of the outcome, knowing that there are always elements we have no control over. A real master exudes serenity and inner strength. We can all be “masters” of our own life and here are three suggestions for doing that:
- Work hard for your desired outcome; then
- Accept whatever happens with grace and dignity, knowing you did all you can.
- If the outcome was desirable, give thanks. If undesirable, learn to distinguish if you could improve your efforts, or if it makes more sense to let go and move on.
Copyright 2019 Raeleen Mautner, Ph.D.
As I write in “Aging Happy”, ignorance is NOT bliss when it comes to ignoring the beauty around us. On the other hand there is plenty of evidence that SAVORING the small pleasures of life increases our sense of well-being. No more gulping down meals without tasting them; no more walking past the dog that bounds to the door to greet you when you come home; no more failing to enjoy the fragrance of the flowers as you walk past them; no more “multitasking” that keeps you from consiously registering the real treasures this life affords you. So what are the gifts that YOU are going to intentially savor today? Happiness can be as simple as what you decide to focus on.
Research shows that expressing appreciation increases your sense of well-being and life satisfaction. And it works that way for the recipent, too! Case-in-point:
Two years ago I received a hand-written letter from a friend I had lost contact with since my college days. He had just been given a dismal prognosis and set out to write letters to those who made a difference in his life. The letter to me recalled a time, back in the 70s when we were at my parent’s house waiting for our dates to arrive and while waiting I asked if he wanted to hear the new ragtime piano piece I had been working on. Never did I think he would remember that experience so many years later. Interestingly, it wasn’t just about the music, but the memory of how special he felt that I would want to play that piece for HIM, because no one had ever given him a “private concert” before nor since. Who would have thought?
That letter still means the world to me, and it made me even more convinced of the importance of telling the people who have impacted my life, how much I appreciate them, and how my life changed because of their presence in the world.
What are YOU waiting for to express appreciation to someone who has made a difference in your life? Who are the people who have changed YOUR life for the better? Why not email them, write them, call them, invite them for coffee, etc. –and express THANKS. It will make both of you feel great! #AgingHappy