The Dolce Vita Lifestyle

 To Italians, human interaction is the energy that supports life itself. You could be disagreeing about politics, or about which is the best gelateria. You could be revealing (or not) the family secret to making the best “salsa di pomodoro” (tomato sauce) or comparing memories about the history of your town. No matter the topic, when you converse with an Italian, you must be all in. Fully present and participating. There is no such thing as “partially” in, while the other part of you is distracted by a cloud passing by and such.  There may be arm gestures both grand, like the ancient Roman orators, or facial expressions so imperceptible but for the trained eye you wouldn’t even notice (or be able to translate their meaning). Forget expressionless “how are you”’s devoid of eye contact while racing by without waiting for an answer.

Whether agreeing, disagreeing, or just chiacchierando (chatting away) —communication, in all its many forms, is the social lifeline of Italy.  But the one form of interchange you will rarely—if ever—see, is a vitriolic exchange intended to bully, insult, or force another to either agree or be shut down. In fact, much of Italian conversation is simply based on what my grandfather taught me growing up, by his example: the art of exchanging pleasantries.

San Valentino, the Roman patron saint of lovers (among other things), whose feast day is just around the corner, should remind us of more than candy hearts, red roses, and candlelit dinners.  Valentine’s Day gives us an important opportunity to draw more love –in general–into our lives with the power of our words; which can be poisonous, or loving; insulting or supportive, critical or encouraging. What we choose to say on a daily basis can make or break someone’s spirit. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve also seen how someone’s frown can turn instantly into a smile upon receiving a simple pleasantry.

 How we express ourselves can either draw love into our lives or repel people from us and leave us wondering why.

I’ve noticed way too much anger emanating from us humans these days, and it concerns me. Poisonous words used to impose one’s point of view on another by shaming those who don’t agree or bullying those with a different political or religious point of view. We see this in social media posts. We experience this daily in real life.  We seem to have forgotten the value of exchanging pleasantries, which is the key to emotional intelligence. Feel-good conversation uplifts both parties. Heated arguments don’t. 

“How are you today?” “How is your family”? “Congratulations on that accomplishment!”  “That color looks outstanding on you!”

You get the idea.

Not all conversation has to be heavy, gloomy, or angry.  My grandfather could transform a person’s demeanor with one line of simple, upbeat small talk. Everyone in the neighborhood knew him and loved him. I saw this happen both here in the US, and while with him in his village in Calabria. I am convinced that his shoe store was just a vehicle for social interaction, which he thrived on.  He would stand on the top step outside the door of the store, lean over the metal railing and greet every person that walked by on the sidewalk with a dose of cheerfulness.  If it was about to rain, he would remind them how much their garden would love it. If someone their upset about something he lent an ear and made them feel they were not alone.  To my grandfather, it didn’t matter what people looked like or what they believed. It didn’t matter if he didn’t think the same way they did. He found little value in imposing his opinions on others. Camaraderie over forcefulness.  Love over vitriol. Respect rather than offend. And always leave a person feeling better for having crossed your path.

Buona festa di San Valentino. Happy Valentine’s Day. 

©Raeleen D’Agostino Mautner 2024